My Ted Talk

When I feel lost, confused, anxious, whatever I like to listen to Ted Talks. Before I went on my last first date I listened to three because I apparently forgot how to have a conversation. Someone way more intelligent than this girl surely has broken down the science behind these feelings. I've listened to talks on vulnerability, on communication, on how toxic relationships are like addictions, and a few more. (Honestly if you're single give this one a listen.) But I haven't found any on the joys of modern day dating. So here's my take.


You know what's fun? Dating down for 8 months. Well not dating but casually seeing someone who is afraid of commitment and makes you feel awful for having feelings for 8 months. "We're sleeping together but you... like... me?" Let me run. Once you get yourself out of a situationship it might take a few weeks to bounce back and that's fine, take your time. Have a one night stand. That helps. But if you have a history of "almost" dating people like I do you gotta get real with yourself and I'm about to do that for all of us.

Today's dating scene is inevitably casual. Have you meet anyone in the last five years that is actually looking for a relationship? How many dates have you gone on and a few weeks in you say, "I don't want anything serious." It's a total defense mechanism to avoid rejection. Every day I'm realizing more & more that I am terrified of rejection. So as you can guess I've gotten myself into a lot of half ass situations. Because I start off wanting exactly what they want and that is no strings. No strings = no pain. Until the minute you develop feelings and want more. And here's the thing, they didn't sign up for wanting more. So when you ask for it you'll likely be met with resistance. It's like getting a job in marketing then your boss saying 6 months in that they also want you to clean the bathrooms. Because that's how dating feels, like dirty toilets. When you agree to certain terms in the beginning then ask to change them you cannot be shocked, mad, surprised, (insert emotion) when they don't want the same.

Therefore, if deep down you truly want love & a relationship you have to go into situations open hearted and vulnerable asking for what you want. I've spent months, years even, giving other people what they want and in return getting less than 50%. Now I think it's time to ask for what I want. In this dating climate people like us seem to be the minority but how many months can you spend giving 100% of yourself to someone and something that will never fulfill you? When you think of it this way it can feel really pathetic. But we're not pathetic, we're just hopeful.