Raise your hand if you're single. Now raise your hand if you've ever been frustrated by boys, men, man children. Keep your hand up if you've been personally victimized by Regina George and disappointingTinder/Bumble/Hinge matches. Welcome. Welcome to our sisterhood.
I'm freshly single, within the last few months. And I'd like to preface this by saying I'm not looking for a relationship. But I think there are a few phases of going through a break up and getting back on the market that we all experience and that's what this is about.
First, can we talk about those girls that jump from relationship to relationship? And you look at their Facebook & Instagram photos and wonder 1) why? why are you dating him? why can't you enjoy being on your own for one minute? and 2) where did you meet him? I can't meet anyone and you've got a new man every season.
The thing about these types of girls, and I don't mean to dis a sis but, they settle. And I've never been that type of girl. Somewhere along the lines I developed standards. I don't know how, when, or where but it happened and it is what it is. Even if I could get over whatever shallow reason I would not date said boy, I don't think my subconscious would let my body be attracted to him when we are both naked, if you know what I mean. (Not open for business, sorry sir.) So here I am, a little fishy Finn in a sea full of fuckboys.
Now, onto the stages of singledom that I've experienced so far: 1)Freedom! 2) Get Your Groove Back 3) Question everything I thought I ever knew about all the things. 4) Anger.
1: There is no better feeling than giving zero fucks. No more telling someone where you're going, who you're with, what you're eating, what you're drinking, what you're spending, whatever. Your schedule is back to being yours and you can be drunk and hungover for as many of those hours as you please.
2: The first one night stand, make out sesh, drink bought at a bar, any sort of male attention when you're newly single is a high like no other. The next day you're smiling, a little more confident, and ready to flirt your way into someone else's bed. Bitch, I'm back.
3: You have your mojo back but how long does that really last? You're swiping left, swiping right and yet no one likes you back. Or that guy you were texting falls off the face of the earth. To the point you check obituaries and wonder if he's dead. Maybe he left the country? You start wondering, "What's wrong with me? What did I say or do? I need to lose 10 pounds. I should probably lower my standards on these dating apps. How do I brainwash myself to like guys who take selfies? A man holding a fish is a man who can provide for me, right?" That groove deflates and you overanalyze every. single. thing.
4: But then you slap yourself out of it. You remember that you're a damn queen. Don't these assholes know I'm a) funny b) not crazy c) independent 4) really fucking fun? Well, their loss. Do you know how many casual relationships I've had where I said to fuckboy X, "I'm too cool to be treated this way"? And then I walk away. Mic drop. Bye boy. And do you know how many of those fuckboys have had a come to Jesus moment and realize I'm right? All of them. Every single one.
I have no time for nonsense. I'm just a girl looking for a decent male specimen that does not take selfies in the mirror, in the car, or the gym.
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